


Essie's Perspective

by whythefujamievenonthis



Category: Holby City
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 05:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whythefujamievenonthis/pseuds/whythefujamievenonthis
Summary: After Raff's death Essie returns to work, but will it be as simple as she hopes it'll be?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Thank you to naomi285 for helping think of this! But late on giving you credit but Thanknyou very much!

When Essie had returned back from work, she seemed broken (as you would expect given the circumstances). She’d been staying at Sacha’s for company and support but that didn’t make the pain any easier - seeing all the texts that said how sorry they were for her and how he’d gone too soon only made her hurt more, it made it more real. The whole time she spent off work she secretly hoped Raff would call her to say it was all just a bad dream, or a cruel prank at her expense, that none of it really happened… But of course it happened. She organised the funeral, she organised the wake, she watched them bury him at the cemetery, so how would it not be real? After three and a half long weeks of moping around Sacha’s house, Essie knew she had to face those demons and go back to work, she couldn’t live off of compassionate leave pay cheques for the rest of her life. It was a grey Saturday morning when she got up and out of Sacha’s guest bed to get ready for her first day back at work since the shooting. She washed and scrubbed her face, almost hoping it would clean away the bad memories, before getting dressed and packing her scrubs in her bag. Sacha would be taking her to work but wouldn’t be in that day - he still couldn’t process it, especially what happened with Jac. He would handle being in his house alone, he did that all the time anyway, but for Essie being alone in a big house with only her thoughts wasn’t an option.

 

She needed work.

 

After Sacha dropped her off, she walked into the hospital; she was body searched and her bag was checked over by the police team that were still there, only when Fletch show up unexpectedly did they stop:

 

“Oi, pack it in, she’s related to one of the victims, as if she’s gonna hurt anyone, get your hands off her!”

 

The police search team did so, giving Essie her bag back before she made her way over to Fletch to get a hug. SHe loved Fletch’s hugs, they were warm and open, he was a good hugger and he knew exactly how she was feeling. They could relate in a way nobody else would and it meant the world to her that she wasn’t completely alone in the thick of it all.

 

“Fletch… How have you been.”

 

“Struggling, so have the kids. They can’t understand why Uncle Raf won’t visit anymore. How about you?”

 

“It’s like a dream, well, a nightmare. I keep thinking I’ll wake up from this all and everything will be okay, that he’ll be there and tell me this is all just a bad dream.”

 

“Me too, sometimes, when I have bad days. Henrik’s insistent you go to a counsellor.”

 

“Thought so. Tell him I have Lofty, he’s trained as a bereavement counsellor. If I need anyone I’ll go to him first.”

 

“Essie-”

 

“He’s a nice guy. And I can trust him. And I know that if I speak to him he’s not going to give me the “It’s not your fault, don’t feel guilty” crap I know I’ll get. _And_ I have Dom.”

 

“Are you sure? I mean, I know Lofty and he’s a lovely guy, but really?”

 

“I’m completely prepared and okay with talking to him and Dom, that counsellor however is a big no.”

 

“Alright, I’ll tell Hanssen you have other plans.”  


“Thank you.”

 

“If you need me though please let me know and I’ll be there.”  


“I know you will, and I’m here for you too.”

 

“Thanks Ess. Look, I best get back to the ward, so many nurses left after the accident, you’d think they’d forgotten there was a nursing crisis in the NHS.”

 

“It’s alright, I understand, have a good day.”

 

“You too.” Responded Fletch, trying to smile before he walked away and back to his duties on Darwin.

 

Essie let out a gust of air, already tired and wanting to go back to Sacha’s place. She slowly made her way to the elevator and over to AAU, she got changed in the changing room closest to the elevator and got changed into her familiar but new scrubs. She’d had to buy a new set. The ones she wore the day of the shooting, even though they were completely fine for use, the thought of wearing them again made her feel ill so she’d burned them at Sacha’s. When she left the changing room she walked down the long and straight hallway and onto the AAU ward, the last thing she expected or wanted to see was the massive memorial that was in place for Raff. She slowly made her way over to it once she’d seen it, taking in the sight of everything that lay in front of it: the flowers, the cards, the teddy bears, the picture frame of Raff that was at the centre of it all, even the pictures Fletch’s kids had drawn for their Uncle Raff. She didn’t notice the tears falling from her eyes till she felt one roll down her face, but she didn’t have long to openly cry because not long after, Jason showed up.

 

“Are you alright Mrs. Harrison?”

 

“Jason? Oh yeah, I’m alright. And I’m Mrs Di Lucca now, I married Raff whilst you were gone.”  


“How can you marry him? He’s dead.”  


“We married… We married before he passed away.” Replied Essie, choking on her emotion.

 

“Oh. Well, I’m very sorry for your loss Mrs Di Lucca.”

 

“Thank you Jason, that’s nice of you. I miss him.”

 

“You would miss him. You loved him.”

 

“Still do.”

 

Remembering what Serena had taught him to do whenever he saw a friend upset, Jason pulled a pink and white sweet bag out of his pocket and offered it to Essie, “Would you like a Jelly Baby?”

 

Essie smiled a little at this, appreciating Jason’s offer, “No I’m alright Jason, thank you though.”

 

“Oh, alright. I’ll see you on ward then. I’ll leave you alone for a bit now.”

 

“Thank you Jason.”  


Once Jason had gone, Essie composed herself, trying not to look at the picture of her husband in the middle of the memorial, she took one last look at the presents and flowers and cards before leaving to get to AAU. When she arrived on ward a few nurses stared at her, she would feel the pity radiating off of them, and as much as she knew it was all them just being human, she didn’t like that one bit. Morven was quick to hug her, which she accepted and appreciated. Morven quickly caught Essie up on the other victims of the attack and how they were: Ollie was still in a coma, Jac was recovering nicely, but Professor David Hopkins had passed away on the table during the attack. Essie was quick to get to work; even though the title itself had been removed from her she was still in charge of organising and preparing people for organ transplants, and she was up to her neck in incomplete paperwork. She was thankful to receive respite from it all when Lofty came down to see her at lunch.

 

“Essie!” He said as the widow stood up to greet him. He gently wrapped his arms around her, and Essie was quick to discover how good Lofty was good at hugging too, even better than Fletch it seemed. She allowed herself to be taken away by the hug, drowning out the buzzes and drones coming from all around the ward. Eventually she parted herself from the hug and spoke to Lofty.

 

“How have you been?”

 

“It’s been tricky. Dom was a bit cold a distant from it all, but he seems to have really taken it well - better than expected, which is a relief for me. He’s not as cold as he was, and he’s actually getting on with Meena - the new F1.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

“That’s about the only good thing that’s happened really. Look, if you ever need to speak to someone, me and Dom are always on Keller if you need us. We might not be able to help you very much but we promise to listen.”

 

“Thank you, I needed to hear that. I’ll make sure to find you when the time comes.”  


“Of course. Have you had lunch?”

 

“No not yet.”

 

“Want to go get some?”

 

“Lofty you really don’t-”

 

“I’m not trying to over do it, or be overly nice, I just want to have lunch with you - it was just going to be me and Dom but when we heard you came back today we wanted to ask you to come along.”

 

Essie looked at Lofty for a moment before responding, eventually giving in to his kind face and words, “You know what? Lunch sounds great right now. Just let me go grab my purse.”  


“Great, I’ll wait for you here by the desk and we’ll go to Pulses together, Dom’ll be there waiting for us.”

 

Essie was quick to come back to the desk with her purse, and soon the pair were on their way over to Pulses. She greatly appreciated how Lofty was just treating her normally, she wasn't sure if it was because he was a trained bereavement counsellor or not, but he seemed to know that all she wanted to be was to be treated normal. On the way to Pulses Lofty talked of random things, being most of the conversation as Essie contentedly listened to his every word: how an animal fanatic had come in for sheep bites after pretending to be a sheep and trying to join a flock for his science experiment (according to Dom he’d had to come in before for similar reasons); the kind old lady who showed Lofty pictures of all her cats, and the patient that came in who looked like he’d travelled in time form the 80’s (since he showed up in a neon green leotard and bright pink leg warmers - allegedly, according to the patient himself, it for his zumba class). It made her smile, all the wild stories Lofty gave her, but her mood was lifted even more as the pair spotted Dom sat a table waiting for them.

 

“Dom!” Called Lofty as he and Essie made their way over. Dom immediately heard Lofty’s voice and looked up, when he saw Essie he smiled a big massive smile as he stood up to greet and hug her. After this happened the trio sat down and began talking, like they used to. Eventually Lofty went up to order food and drinks, Essie and Dom had given them their money so he would buy everyone’s food in one go. The fact they were letting her pay for her own food was another thing Essie appreciated: they weren’t giving her special treatment after what’d happened. Dom and Lofty instinctively sat next to each other at the table, and at one or two points (maybe seven), Essie noticed the glances either of them would share whilst the other wasn’t looking. She would see they were smitten with each other, but she kept quiet. Just as the hour struck, signalling the end to everyone’s lunch, Essie was paged directly from Fletch:

 

“Hanssen says you're on Keller for the rest of your shift.”

 

Essie looked up from her pager and spoke: “Looks like you’re stuck with me for the rest of the day!”

 

“Oh the horror!” Exclaimed Dom dramatically, pretending to swoon and into Lofty’s arms (to which the nurse caught him).

 

“Should we all make our way up then?” Asked Lofty, trying to hide his blushing from Dom’s swoon into him from Dom and Essie.

 

“Yep, let’s go, come on drama queen we can’t be late.” Said Essie, seeing Lofty’s obvious blushing and smiling, Dom eventually stood up and out of Lofty’s arms and the trio made their way up to Keller. Essie was thankful for the temporary transfer, it was beginning to grow stifling with atmosphere and memories back on AAU, so stepping onto Keller for the first time in a long time felt like a breath of fresh air.

 

She was on Keller till her late finish, and she spent the majority of her time at the desk with paperwork, Dom and Lofty showing up together every now and then to give her some company. At one point she had to go over the stats of a transplant patient on the ward, and as she was doing so she looked up to see Dom and Lofty sat on the desk sharing a joke - she was quick to notice Dom was glowing, laughing happily as Lofty playfully hit him with a folder, and Lofty was equally as happy:

 

“They’d make a good pair.” She thought to herself as she smiled before continuing with the patient's stats.

 

Everything was going smoothly for the first few hours, she didn’t have many hours left of her late shift when _it_ happened. A man was wheeled in for emergency surgery, he’d been shot in a mugging and he’d been hit in the leg, stomach and just near the jugular. When he was wheeled in Dom and Lofty immediately tried to get Essie to leave, but she was already transfixed by the patient and rooted to the spot - he looked so much like Raff: with his jaw line and faint stubble, the way his hair was dark black and styled. Essie knew it was too good to believe when she thought she was having a pretty good first day back, of course something like that just _had_ to happen. Eventually she came back down to earth, and she was quick to storm out of the ward and into a dark and quiet staff room, Dom and Lofty had to work on stabilizing and preparing the man for surgery so couldn't follow after her. Even after doing so the pair were asked to perform the surgery, taking out all the bullet fragments and stemming the bleed from any entry and exit wounds. After doing so (which took around an hour and a half), Dom and Lofty immediately went out looking for Essie, and they were quick to find her not too far away in the staff room she’d ran into when the man was first wheeled in.

 

She looked so small. Her back facing the door and hunched over the table, her head in her hands as she took deep breaths to calm herself down, it seemed like she’d only just managed to stop the tears, and she was drying her eyes with a tissue as Dom and Lofty at down at the table next to her. She exhaled a laugh as she dabbed away her remaining tears in front of them.

 

“Sorry. I seem to have brought the tears with me from Sacha’s house today.”

 

“Don’t be daft, you’re allowed to cry.” Said Lofty.

 

“It’s just tricky…” Said Essie as Dom took one of her hands and held it, “I never thought I’d have to go through this - not so soon.”

 

“We know Ess, but you need to remember things are going to hurt less eventually.” Said Dom.  


“But when will that happen?” Asked Essie, tears beginning to form in her eyes once more.

 

Dom and Lofty looked at each other for a while before responding, “We can’t tell you that, it’ll happen in your own time.”

 

“I don’t know how to do this… I don’t know where to start.”

 

“You start with us.” Replied Dom as Lofty took Essie’s other hand and held it, he didn’t know when the pain would go away but he was confident in saying he and Lofty would always be there for her. For the next half an hour Essie and Dom and Lofty talked to one another, when Essie had calmed down again, Dom received a message on his pager saying he was due in for surgery again. He gave Essie a hug before leaving the staff room to do his job, leaving Lofty and Essie alone together. Wanting to change the subject from Raff, Essie decided to talk about Lofty instead.

 

“You’re smitten with him aren’t you?” She asked, smiling a little as she wiped away the remainder of her tears.

 

“Who? Dom? Well I can’t say-”

 

“Come one Lofty, I saw you two today, and it’s okay to tell me, it’s not like I’m gonna bite your head off about it.”  


“The truth is Essie… The truth is… Do we really need to talk about it?”

 

“I could do with talking about something else, a distraction."

 

Lofty tried to think of an excuse to hide the truth, but he eventually realised there was no point with lying to Essie, “Yeah, I really like him.”

 

“Have you told him?”

 

“I’ve wanted to, but it’s never the right time, something always happens to pull us apart again and again and again. I just feel like it’s a sign you know? Like if I tell him how I feel I’ll end up hurting him later on - like I did Alice, and Lenny.” Lofty was hesitant to say Lenny's name, he'd only told Sacha about him, but since he was laying all his cards on the table he saw no point in hiding anything from Essie.

 

“I dunno what happened with Lenny but leaving Alice happened because whatever happened happened. You didn’t make the conscious decision to hurt her. Would you ever make that decision about Dom?”

 

“What? Of course not!”  


“What do you like about him.”

 

“Well, he’s stubborn, he can be cold sometimes, he’s mean to me on occasion and he’s really moody without coffee. But I still love him for it you know? You know the person you like has their faults, just like you do, but you can’t help but like them no matter what - you can’t help but trust them despite those flaws. Plus, when he’s in a good mood he’s amazing and funny and kind and everything you look for in someone to care about. And he’s always handsome.”  


“Sounds like you love him.”

 

“I can’t date him though.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He doesn’t see me like that. He said he doesn’t want to forget our past, but that doesn't mean he still has feelings for me.”

 

“Have you asked him?”

 

“Well, no, but that’s because-”

 

“Because you’re too scared of him saying no?”

 

“He’s said no once, I won’t put it past him to say no again.”

 

“You’re not psychic.”

 

“I’m scared though Essie, about telling him, what if he says no and never talks to me again?”

 

“It’s a risk you may have to take.”  


“I can’t. I nearly lost him once I’m not going to lose him for good over something I say.” Lofty’s alarm went off in his phone, he turned it off before continuing, “I have half an hour of my shift left, I should leave to finish up anything I missed on ward.”

 

“Of course, you’ve really helped me.”

 

“Glad I would be of use to you. Essie, things will get better, even if they don’t look it, you have so many people here who love you too much to let you go through this alone.”

 

“Thank you Lofty.”

 

After her shift ended Essie decided to make one last trip in the hospital before going back to Sacha’s: Darwin. Ollie was still in a coma so the only person she could and wanted to speak to was the infamously cold and emotionless Jac Naylor. Once she was dressed into her normal clothes Essie made her way over to Darwin where Fletch led her to were Jac was lying, still awake:

 

“Jac,” Began Essie, “How are you?”

 

“I’ll live. The real question is how are you?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“No you're not. No one would be, not after what happened. I know I wasn’t after Jasmine died. You can tell me the truth.”

 

“It’s difficult.” Essie eventually admitted.

 

“It’s bound to be. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

 

“Thank you. How’s Emma?”

 

“Annoyed I won’t be home for christmas, but apart from that she’s fine.”

 

“That’s great.”

 

“It is.”

 

There was dead silence between the pair as neither knew what to say next, but eventually Essie thought of something:

 

“I heard you were planning on leaving before what happened.”

 

“I was. Morven’s already had a go at me about it so please don’t start on me too.”

 

“I’m not. I’m just surprised is all.”

 

“What’s it to you?” Asked Jac, she had her head down and looking at the hem of her bed sheet, Essie would tell she was trying to hide the tears forming in her eyes.

 

“It must be difficult for you. Raising Emma, missing Christmas.”

 

“It’s not like it’ll ruin her childhood.” Replied Jac, trying to act more cynical than her facial expression and tears were letting on.

 

“You had a lot of people worried about you.” Said Essie, she saw Jac look up at her and nod slightly in agreement so continued (her eyes now glassy with tears), “Hanssen, Gaskell, Sacha… I hope you make the right decision.”

 

Jac looked at Essie for a long time before responding, a single tear rolling down her cheek as she did so, “I do too.”


	2. New Year's Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essie is still struggling, but what will she do when she realises her friend has a chance to be happy? Will she make the right choice despite her own sadness?

Christmas day had arrived at Holby, and as much as Lofty loved the Christmas holidays, he’d decided to take extra shifts on Keller. Dom was going be there too, and he didn’t want himself or the Registrar to be alone for the holidays. When Dom asked Lofty on why he stayed he simply said he needed the extra shifts for money. Essie had decided to work through them too, not prepared to spend Christmas mourning and alone, she was very happy to know Dom and Lofty would be there with her, to make things a little easier. Lofty had put it upon himself to prepare a Christmas day lunch for all three of them, as well as a present each for Essie and Dom. He’d bought Dom a Christmas jigsaw as well two tickets to his favourite band (the stalls this time) and Dom was absolutely ecstatic. Essie was there to see Dom hug Lofty, she saw how happy Lofty was with the response, she saw him beaming with an even bigger smile when Dom went in to kiss him. She saw the smile on his face and the glint of joy in his eyes fade however, when Dom pulled himself away. She smiled to herself at how close they were, so close yet so far away from becoming more.

 

 _Maybe,_ thought Essie to herself, _Maybe if I give them a push in the right direction?_

 

Essie was equally ecstatic when Lofty handed her a ticket for an all day spa treatment at her favourite spa centre. He’d set it up so she’d be treated like royalty for the day and she was very excited. She hugged and thanked Lofty for his present before they all tucked in to the Christmas lunch Lofty had prepared - which was very tasty.

 

However, Christmas day had to end, and eventually the three of them had to return to their regular working days, treating patients and sorting through files, with Sasha still not back (having decided he would return for the new year) they all struggled without his organisation and order. But they pushed through; discharging patients left right and centre, going in for surgery at every other hour, dealing with the tricky and unforgiving behaviours of the patients - it was all taken care of. And it was a relief to both Essie and Dom when they discovered just how good Lofty was with kids: especially when a mum of twins had come in for surgery. She was young, for a mum, early twenties, but she loved her two boys more than she would put into words. She had hired a babysitter to look after them but the sitter had to cancel due to a family emergency, so the young mother decided she’d have to take her children with her to the hospital and try and sort things out from there.

 

“No, don’t hang up, I’m about to go in for a surgery! I can’t leave my boys wandering the hospital whilst I’m zonked out on- Ugh!” For the umpteenth time she’d been buttoned by another babysitting agency, none of them were prepared to come in on such short notice. Lofty was walking past her bed when he overheard her phone call, and instinctively came to the woman’s rescue.

 

“Is, is everything alright miss?”

 

“No… I can’t find anyone to look after my children.”

 

“Where are they now?”

 

“Underneath the bed.”

Lofty promptly got on his hands and knees to look under the bed, and saw that the two boys were in fact under there, they looked at him and smiled toothy grins as they played with their toy airplanes and helicopters.

 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Offered Lofty.

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Well, there’s a creche. I would take your sons down there, there’s staff there that will look after them!”

 

“Really? You’ll do that for me? I didn’t know there was a creche here.”

 

“Yep! It’s my job, I’m glad to help.”

 

Suddenly Dom walked up to the bed, “Theatre’s ready, we’re gonna take you in now.” He smiled to comfort the woman (who looked incredibly stressed and nervous), “There’s nothing to be worried about, it’s a simple surgery.”

 

“And with Dom here you’re in great hands.” Commented Lofty, smiling.

 

“Thank you, both of you, Nurse would you take my boys down to that creche now?”

 

“Yes of course!” Replied Lofty, he went back to going on his hands and knees to speak to the boys under the bed, “Hi guys, I’m Lofty-” But Lofty cut himself off mid sentence.

 

“Nurse? What’s wrong?”

 

No response.

 

“Lofty, what’s up?” Asked Dom.

 

Lofty stood back up and looked directly at Dom, “Did two little boys go past you as you came over here?”

 

“They’re not there?” Asked the mother, growing panicky.

 

“Don’t worry, please don’t worry yourself,” Comforted Lofty, “I’m gonna go look for them. I’ll get them back safe and sound.”

 

“Lofty will bring them back. I can promise you that.” Assured Dom, “We need to take you into surgery now.”

 

“No, not without me knowing my boys are safe. They’re all I have.”

 

“It’s not that simple.”

 

“Yes it is, I won’t go till-”

“Miss if you don’t have the surgery now you’re condition will get worse. Which will mean a higher risk surgery later on. You’re all those boys have. If you want to take that risk then so be it, but why do that when I can promise you Lofty will find your children.”

 

It took the mother a long, long time to respond, “Fine. But only because you’ve promised.”

 

“Fab, I’m gonna go then.” Said Lofty, leaving the woman’s bedside to look for the twins.

 

Whilst the mother was in for surgery Lofty rushed around the ward: checking every storage cupboard and toilet and staff room, he checked under the stairwells and under every desk and table he would look under on the Keller ward. But neither of them were there. Moving on to the next closest ward he repeated his search and came up with nothing. Lofty was starting to lose hope, the mother would eventually return from surgery and wake up, and if her kids weren’t there like Dom promised, Dom would get into a lot of trouble - and Lofty wasn’t prepared to let that happen. Even Essie helped join in his search, hoping they’d cover more ground by splitting up, but neither of them had spotted either of the twins, and they were both losing hope that they’re be found before the mum came out of the surgery. Lofty decided to take a break and sat on a step on one of the staircases, he’d been searching for well over and hour, running to and fro and back and forth. He hoped that sitting down to rest would also clear his head and refocus his search.

 

“Two twins. They’re gonna be close. They won’t separate from each other so where one is, I’ll find the other close by. They had toys on them that they aren’t gonna want to leave anywhere…” Lofty continues to think like this till and idea struck him, “The toys…” Lofty rose to his feet, “Their toys! That’s it, that has to be the answer!”

 

“Lofty…” Said Essie, exasperated, “I haven’t found them, they aren’t any where-”

 

“I think I found them!” Cried Lofty as he hugged Essie tightly before rushing off in the direction of where he thought they’d be.

 

“Where are they then?” Yelled Essie as she watched Lofty rush down the corridor.

 

“I said _I think_ I know where they are, if I’m right I’ll let you know.” Replied Lofty, still running down the corridor. Knowing he was clumsy, he was careful not to rush into anyone, Essie smiled as she watched Lofty turn the corner and disappear.

 

Lofty continued to sprint, his lungs aching as he did so, he felt his legs want to give up and he climbed coutless and identical stair cases, but he forced himself to keep going. When he arrived at his destination Lofty was hopeful to find the door unlocked and ajar (hopeful, but worried), when he rushed onto the rooftop of the hospital at first he saw nothing and no-one; he began to comb his fingers through his hair in stress as he tried to think of where else they could go. But when he heard the sound of children playing, his heart rate dropped and relaxed.

 

 _Check the whole roof next time Lofty,_ he thought to himself. He walked around to the other side of the roof to see the twins playing with their toy airplanes and helicopters - pretending they were flying through the air. Lofty sighed in relief as he sat himself down next to the two boys.

 

“You guys had me on an adventure.”

 

“We wanted to make our toys look more real.” The twins said in unison.

 

“What are your names?”

 

“I’m Max.” Said one twin.

 

“I’m Robin.” Replied the other.

 

“Well that’s coincidental, and slightly terrifying.” Said Lofty to himself, he then spoke directly to the twins, “Well you definitely made your mum worry. Will you come back down with me?”

 

“No.” Replied Max bluntly.

“What? How come?”

 

“We want to play up here still.” Said Robin.

 

“Your mum’s gonna be back from surgery though, and she’ll want to see you when she wakes up.”

 

“Ten more minutes? Please…” Asked Robin, his puppy dog eyes almost too much for Lofty to say no.

 

It took Lofty some time before he thought of a compromise, “Five minutes, and I’ll let you touch my hair.”

“Deal.” Replied the twins in perfect unison.

 

                                                   ---------------------------------------

 

Dom was extremely nervous, Lofty wasn’t back and the Mum’s surgery was over, she’d be waking up from the anesthetic soon. He was more worried about Lofty though (rather than his job being on the line after he made such a promise), he was an accident prone Nurse, what if he’d tripped or hurt himself somehow? If he had he’d’ve been taken to AAU, so it’s not like anyone was going to tell Keller if that was the case. He felt relief wash though his body when he saw Lofty re-enter the ward: he was carrying the twins in either arm whilst they sat on his shoulders - trying not to show pain as they happily pulled and played with his curly hair.

 

“They- Ow, won’t let go of my hair, ow.”

 

“Where were they?”

 

“The roof. They wanted their toy planes to look real.”

 

“Thank you for finding them, I knew I could trust you.”

 

“Ow, okay that one hurt!” Exclaimed Lofty after Max took one of his curls and pulled it out to as long as it could go.

 

“You said we could play with your hair!” Replied Max.

 

“I never said you could pull my hair out though.”

 

“Yeah, don’t do that guys, I like his hair too much to see it go!” Added Dom, smiling.

 

“Well we’re with your mum now, so it’s time you get off my shoulders you two!”

 

“Awww, Lofty no, we don’t want to.” Exclaimed Robin.

 

“You have your toy planes and helicopter! Play with them.”

 

“But you’re funner.”

 

“Come on you two.” Said Lofty, refusing to give in as he put Robin and Max to the floor. As he did so their Mum began to stir awake.

 

“Mummy!” Exclaimed the twins in unison as they rushed to her bedside.

 

As the boys talked excitedly to their drowsy mum, Dom and Lofty looked at each other and smiled, it was almost as if they were about to have a moment till Essie showed up and they both snapped out if it.

 

“Oh don’t mind me, get back to what you two were doing.”

 

“We weren’t doing anything.” Replied Dom and Lofty in perfect unison with one another. They both began to blush and promptly walked away from one another. Essie just smiled to herself.

 

 _I definitely need to give them a kick start_ , she thought to herself.

 

The next few days leading up to New Year’s was spent in a similar fashion; not looking for missing twins, but with Dom and Lofty sharing glances and gazes and looks with one another. Essie found it almost infuriating how obvious it was they liked each other despite neither of them making the first move:

 

“It’s like something out of a soap opera.” She commented whilst Dom sat next to her at the main desk, it was New Year’s Eve, the trio were working a late night shift again. Dom was happily watching Lofty treat patients when Essie spoke.

 

“What?” He asked.

 

“You know what, don’t play stupid. You and Lofty!”

 

“Shush." Hissed Dom, not wanting Lofty to hear, "Essie there’s no chance for me and him. He said we can’t be together.”

“Hmm?”

 

“We were talking at the staircase, he said something about the universe trying to tell us we’re better off apart.”

 

“Are you sure he meant that?”

 

“Yep.”

“Well maybe he said it because he’s scared he’ll hurt you.”

 

“Why would you think that?”

 

“A little birdy told me he still feels terrible for what he did to his ex-fiancee. That he blames himself for hurting her. If he thinks like that, he’s bound to be terrified of hurting you too.”

“Well the little birdy isn’t psychic.”

 

“But I’m very good at finding out gossip.”

 

“Well my feelings aren’t gossip they’re fact. And as far as I’m aware he’s already crushed them.”

 

“Don’t give up hope yet. Weren’t you ever taught that love conquers all?”

 

“I was also taught not to speak to strangers. What’s your point?”

 

“Don’t give in so easily. You haven’t exactly given him much of a chance. From what you told me you slept with him, got his hopes up by kissing him, then broke up with him in an elevator without ever dating him first.”

 

Essie’s words seemed to have struck Dom dumb for words, he knew she was right, even if he didn’t want to admit it, he hadn’t always been clear to read.

 

“I’ll… I’m gonna get back to my patients.”

 

The rest of the New Year’s Eve shift was spent in awkward silences: Dom didn’t want to speak to Lofty and he didn’t want to speak to Essie - her being correct left him unsure of what to do next, Essie and Lofty however where still speaking. They decided they had to give Dom space and allowed the Registrar to be in his own little world, Lofty and Essie were surprisingly efficient working together on patients (which mostly included drunken party goers). As they finished up and discharged another patient, an alarm sounded on Lofty’s phone.

 

“Ah, looks like my shift will finish soon.”

 

“You have a reminder on your phone for it?”

 

“I forget a lot.”

 

“Ahh, how long do you have left?”

 

“Like ten minutes.”

 

“You go get changed, I’ll finish up.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

 

“Positive! It’s the least I can do, especially when I have a spa treatment to look forward to! I feel bad about not getting you a present for Christmas…”

 

“Forget about it! It’s about the thought not the gift, I just really wanted to get you something is all.”

 

“Did your parents get you anything?”

 

“A yearly phone call.” Replied Lofty bluntly.

 

“Oh… That’s, nice?”

 

“Well it’s better than no phone call at all. I should go so I can get a cab before they’re all taken, I’ll see you later Essie.”

 

“See you later Lofty.”

 

Around twenty minutes later, Dom left the changing room having just gotten changed to go home. It was ten minutes to midnight and Dom just wanted to go home, which in his own boyfriend-less mind sounded very sad. Before going home, however, he decided to look for Lofty so he could speak to him, he didn’t know what about, he just wanted to speak to him. But when he couldn’t find his favourite Nurse he went to Essie for help:

 

“Essie! Where’s Lofty?”

 

“He’s going home, his shift ended.”

 

“Really? Mine too, I want to speak to him.”

 

“What about?” Asked Essie, hopeful Dom had decided to tell Lofty how he felt.

 

“Just… Things. Ah, it doesn’t matter, it can wait.”

 

“Dom-”

 

“It’s fine I’ll talk to him some other time-”

 

“Dom!” Exclaimed Essie, she realised she’d said that rather loudly, so composed herself before speaking again, “Look around you Dom, you need to hold on to what you can…”

 

Dom looked at Essie for a long while, it looked like he was about to speak in retaliation, but soon enough Essie saw his eyes soften as he thought of Lofty. Without realising he began to smile at the thought of Lofty, when he eventually came back down to Earth he looked at Essie and smiled warmly.

 

“I have to go.”

 

And with that Dom was rushing out of the Keller ward, he didn’t say where he was going, but Essie was pretty confident she knew where he was off to. She smiled to herself before walking off to climb the staircase to Darwin. Dom was pretty nervous as he rushed to get out the hospital, he didn’t want to miss Lofty, but at the same time he didn’t know what he was going to say if he got there in time. If only Lofty had still been in the changing room as he went in to get changed, maybe then he’d’ve plucked up the courage? Dom tried to force his nerves out of his mind, and when he got outside the hospital he was happy to see Lofty still there, but the nurse was about to step into a taxi.

 

“Lofty wait!” Dom called out, Lofty immediately heard him and turned around just before he stepped inside the vehicle.

 

“Dom? What’s wrong is everything alright?” Asked Lofty, he looked concerned since Dom looked out of breath and nervous.

 

Dom didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do either, but he felt his body walk closer and closer to Lofty. He felt his heart pound and his mouth go dry as he tried to conjure up the right words, “The thing is…”

 

“Yeah?” Asked Lofty, hopeful of what Dom’s words would be.

 

Dom didn’t realise how close he was getting to Lofty as he spoke.

 

“I-”

 

But Dom cut himself off as he walked into kissing Lofty, which was natural more than anything, it was like he subconsciously knew his actions would speak louder than his fumbling words. When they eventually parted from the kiss Lofty was smiling from ear to ear;

 

“Well I’m glad my taxi showed up late.”

 

Dom chuckled at this before he spoke again, “Lofty, I’m so sorry for confusing you and flip flopping back and forth. When you said Freddie was a rebound from Issac it made me realise he was actually a rebound from you. I wasn’t drunk in that hotel room, I wanted to be with you, it wasn’t meaningless and it meant something to me too.”

 

“Dom…”

 

“I felt so sad and lonely when I ended things in the elevator. And it only hurt more when you transferred, so when you came back to Keller before the shooting I was mad because you seemed to have forgotten everything we did together. I know you said we can’t be together, that the universe is telling us not to, but my feelings for you aren’t going to stop.”

 

“Dom listen-”

 

“And I realise now, more than ever, that I’m not happy without you. I really like you Lofty, even if you don’t feel the same way.”

 

“Dom I need to tell you that-”

 

“And I hope that we can still be friends despite you now knowing how I feel about you, and that things don’t grow awkward between us-”

 

But Dom’s words were cut off by Lofty’s response, a kiss: it was short and sweet and rushed, but it certainly made Dom go quiet, which is exactly what Lofty wanted to achieve.

 

“I’ve been waiting for months for you to kiss me like that.” Replied Lofty.

 

“A kiss like what?”

 

“Like you knew what you wanted, that you were confident in liking me, I could tell you like me as much as I like you.”

 

“Lofty, are you trying to tell me…”

 

“That I’m completely head over heels for you? Yes, exactly that.” Replied Lofty, finishing Dom’s sentence. As Lofty finished his sentence a large group of people ran out of Albie’s getting ready to dance Old Lang Syne in the streets after the countdown, someone was playing the Hootenanny on their phone, and began the ten second countdown that the rest of the partiers joined in on.

 

“Well that’s good timing.” Said Dom.

 

“It is isn’t it.” Agreed Lofty.

 

“Want to be my new year’s kiss?”

 

As the countdown hit one, Lofty response with a massive boyish grin on his face:

 

“Definitely.”

 

Whilst Dom and Lofty started their New Year together with a bang, Essie was stood on the staircase, looking out of the window that gave a view of the hospital entrance, as well as Dom and Lofty’s kiss. She smiled to herself as she realised what this meant: they’d start dating, Lofty would be happy and Dom would get the relationship and man he deserved. She eventually walked away from the window and back down to Keller to get changed to go home, Sacha would be outside in his car waiting for her to take her back to his place. He’d treated her well, but Essie knew she’d have to leave eventually. After getting changed in the staff changing room, Essie walked out of the hospital, Dom and Lofty had already gone, the taxi Lofty was going to get in was gone, and was presumably being used by the two of them to go somewhere else. As Sacha’s car pulled up into the pick up spot, Essie looked into the sky, searching for Raff’s eyes in the stars.

 

“Happy New Year my love.” She said before stepping in the car and driving home with Sacha.

 

Things weren’t going to be easy. Things were already difficult, of course they were, but as David Bowie quietly played though Sacha’s car stereo, Essie knew she was surrounded by people who loved her and would help her though it all. And with that fact resting easy in her mind, Essie knew she would pull though.


End file.
